Knockin' on the Heaven's Door

The perceptible changes are a sign!

As I wake up in the mornings, I can feel just a tad of sourness in my throat, which disappears as the day progresses, but descends upon me the next morning invariably.

I have started heating my drinking water, just a tad!

As I drag myself out of bed in the mornings, I feel just a tad lazier than usual, craving to sleep just five more minutes and snooze my alarm, over n over again.

The bathing water feels just a tad too cold these days, so that switching on geyser suddenly seems like a prudent thing to do.

The sun that used to feel scorching until- why, just yesterday?- has suddenly mellowed just a tad, so that walking to work in the mornings feels like snuggling up next to a warm fireplace or embracing a good, old friend.

Sitting in the full-blast air-conditioned office , which was essential and something to be grateful for- wasn’t it just, I swear, yesterday?- seems just a tad difficult and you keep on waiting for others around to reciprocate your mutual need to switch it off, every once in a while.

Coming out from office at the exact same time as- urmmm…yesterday?- I curiously wonder just a tad, why is it not the sunlight but the street lamps' lightening up the city?

The leaves rustle slyly with an impish grin on their tips as the winds they produce feel just a tad chilly as they brush past my humble summer cottons, bringing an aching sigh on my slightly quivering lips.

The twilight fades away soon and the night seems just a tad inkier, while my arms hug my torso telling me if I should consider bringing a jacket from tomorrow.

As I sit and stare at the beautiful moon in the sky, I can feel the winds around me whooshing and whistling in my ears. Just as I open my mouth to whisper back, I see just a tad of moisture escape my mouth and vaporize before my eyes.

Smiling gently to myself, I seal my lips and rub my hands which are suddenly just a tad cold, getting down from my perch which is on the railing of my 5thFloor terrace.

As I discard my cotton sheets and pull out my feather wool quilt, I feel just a tad cozy as we snuggle up and doze off! (By we, I mean me and the love of my life- the city, Delhi!)

The lovely and therapeutic Delhi winters are upon us!

And they are so refreshingly melancholy that even a non-believer in fairytales and love and happy endings like me, yearns…that the winters stay forever!

Its time…to celebrate…Being Cold!!

[untitled]

a thousand years

a thousand fears

a thousand tears

we shed

for each other,

like moth

to flame,

a deadly game,

lost children

looking

for their mother,

and when hearts sing,

the music brings

magic

like no other,

the winter cold,

no hands to hold,

the summer

brief

and sunny,

and in the mornings,

pressed

close to you,

cherished moments,

tender, loving,

funny,

we danced,

we laughed,

we flew,

we grew,

we dared,

we cared

more than any soul

could know

or reason,

the light so bright,

the fit so right

for a hundred

precious

seasons,

the moth,

the flame,

the dance,

the same,

then broken wings

and treasured

things

in pieces

all around us,

the dream

the only one

i long for,

here or there,

our souls

laid bare,

a million years

from now,

my heart

will

ever

hold you.

- Danielle Steel (Lone Eagle)

Auld Long Syne

Should Old Acquaintance be forgot
and never thought upon;
The flames of Love extinguished
and fully past and gone;
Is thy sweet Heart now grown so cold
that loving Breast of thine;
That thou canst never once reflect
on Old long syne..

On Old long syne my Jo,
in Old long syne,
That thou canst never once reflect,
on Old long syne.

My heart is ravisht with delight
when thee I think upon;
All Grief and Sorrow take the flight
and speedily is gone;
The bright resemblance of thy Face
so fills this, Heart of Mine;
That Force nor Fate can displease
for Old long syne.

On Old long syne my Jo,
in Old long syne,
That thou canst never once reflect,
on Old long syne.

Since thoughts of thee doth banish grief
when from thee I am gone;
will not thy presence yield relief
to this sad Heart of mine;
Why doth thy presence my defeat
with excellence divine;
Especially when I reflect
on Old long syne.

On Old long syne my Jo,
in Old long syne,
That thou canst never once reflect,
on Old long syne...


Auld Lang Syne- roughly translated as "old long since" or "for the sake of old times" is an old Scots poem written by Robert Burns in 1778, set to the tune of a traditional folk song.
Traditionally sung to celebrate the start of New Year, it is also sung at funerals, graduations, farewells or as an ending to occasions.

It is a delightfully melancholy melody with heartpiercingly beautiful lyrics.
Somehow, it always makes me think of Christmas chill and lonely walks...
And ofcourse, of you!

Insight

Life is unfair. Utterly, absurdly, rigidly and consistently unfair.

Accept it.

I have!

No, I do not feel angry or helpless.

I have just understood the difference between living and existing.

And surprisingly, I am not surprised!!

[untitled]

I had a passing thought today..

Most of us...(attention: most, not all), in our early lives as "nobody" struggle and suffer so much, that when we do become "somebody" in our later lives, we make sure that the other nobodys pay for our own nobody-days...or atleast go through some portion of the struggle, that we did...or just suffer, in some way!

Is this just a form of sadism in contemporary times or is there more to it??

In Loving Memory...

"Sometimes I think that the things I remember are more vivid than the things I see."

- Arthur Golden : Memoirs of a Geisha (1997).

"The only purpose of innocence is that it has to be lost.

The most defining characteristic of love is that it must be longed for."

- Siddharth Dhanvant Sanghvi : The Last Song of Dusk (2004).

"This is the nature of sorrow: often it fades with time, but once in a while, it remains lodged below the surface of things (a stubborn thorn beneath a fingernail), making itself felt everytime you brush against it."

- Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni : The Palace of Illusions (2008)

Prices we pay..

Life always and abso-fuckin-lutely always makes sure we pay a price (albeit a huge one) for atleast the following two things, amongst myriad others:

a) For the dreams we see and live to fulfill;

b) For living life on our own terms.

Is it fair??

Especially, the latter?

REVIVAL

One of the most wonderful things about being taught by a good teacher is that they don't just teach you...they change you!!
They inspire you- to be like them; and enlighten you- to know who you want to be like, or unlike!

The experience can be profoundly ecstatic and almost surreal, in hindsight!
I recall being awakened at so many levels and being touched at so many more, that I wonder how I'd grown to be so complaisant, even indifferent and consequently, lackadaisical!

It's akin to Revival...

Like a train back on track, after being derailed..so that passengers can reach their destination!
Like a ball hit out of stadium , being brought back...to solve it's purpose of advancing the game!
Like a pen that has been refilled with ink...so that history can be written!


One of the most wonderful things about being taught by a good teacher is that you actually cry once their classes are over; not only because you've reached a state of half satiation and desperately want more, but also because of the nostalgic memory of those great and kind words which you will rarely hear again, except in the etchings of your own memory and, ofcourse conscience!

Yes...I cried!


Dedicated to: Prof. E.A. Ramaswamy & Prof. E.M. Rao

B+

Incidentally, that is my blood group!

So things do not always go the way you want them to. Albeit life ensures, that you learn things the hard way and suffer your own fair share of hardships.

And what do you do when back-stabbed?

Should you chide yourself for being naive enough to trust people?

Or should you merely shrug off your shoulder and tell yourself to move on?

An integral part of my life taught me that being able to trust easily is not a bane, as popularly believed. Only when you believe in goodness, does it come back to you. So even when things are not exactly looking up, always remember and sincerely believe..."ki duniyaa me achhaai abhi baaki hai"!!

Surprisingly, I do believe in it now. I no more get infuriated when I see things and people do an about-turn. The dictum has filled me up with a sudden intense positivity and belief, that refuses to budge even in the face of unfathomable opposition and evidence, to the contrary!

The Secret has, it seems, lit a fire in me that is inextinguishable.

Thanks to Rhonda Byrne for writing the book...

and to the man, who brought it to me!!

HOPELESS

So what is one supposed to do when feeling hopeless?

What should one do when life dawns upon the realization that no matter what you have believed in and hoped for, the truth shall deny it all?

What should one do when opposing forces are pulling you apart and you can feel every pore and inch of your body doused in pain?

What should one do when looking at the horizon brings forth the image of your own impending doom?

What should one do when the past, present and future seem to merge together in a menagerie of rattling desperation and obliviousness?

What should one do when every single existing and pervading thought in mind is that of hopelessness?

What to do when hopelessness becomes your state-of-being?

Can you go on?

Should you go on?

Must you go on?